Download Book If at Birth You Don't Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny from Zach Anner

“Hilarious and inspiring, Anner has made a life filled with fans, love, and Internet fame―reminding us that disability is no match for dreams.”―People (Book of the Week)

“Zach Anner is way more than an inspirational figure for anyone who has ever felt impossibly different: he’s also a great f**king writer.”―Lena Dunham

Comedian Zach Anner opens his frank and devilishly funny book, If at Birth You Don't Succeed, with an admission: he botched his own birth. Two months early, underweight and under-prepared for life, he entered the world with cerebral palsy and an uncertain future. So how did this hairless mole-rat of a boy blossom into a viral internet sensation who's hosted two travel shows, impressed Oprah, driven the Mars Rover, and inspired a John Mayer song? (It wasn't "Your Body is a Wonderland.")

Zach lives by the mantra: when life gives you wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his thirtieth birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains.

If at Birth You Don't Succeed is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles, but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again, and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies." Read Online Book If at Birth You Don't Succeed: My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny from Zach Anner Full Free

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Praise for Zach Anner

“Cerebral palsy couldn't stop Anner from becoming a celeb, traveling the world, and Friending Oprah (for starters).”―Cosmopolitan

“Zach makes you want to be a better person, with his humor and his heart and everything he's had to deal with from the time he was born. I've never met anyone like him, and I've met a lot of people.” ―Oprah Winfrey

“A laugh-a-minute read…. If At Birth You Don’t Succeed recounts his journey from being what he calls a “crappy baby” [with cerebral palsy to] the host of his own travel show and an improbable workout guru. If there was ever a book that showed the importance of laughing at yourself, this is probably it.”―MentalFloss (#1 A Best New Book for Spring)

“Zach Anner is a truly inspiring and hysterical human being with a warped sense of humor (and body). He’s also an exceptional writer and his memoir is an absolute joy.”―Rainn Wilson

“I love Zach Anner and I love his memoir. If everyone were a little more like Zach, the world may not be abetter place, but it would be funnier place, which is a great step forward.”―Reddit Co-founder Alexis Ohanian

“I think I speak for everybody when I say...I want to see more of Zach.” ―John Mayer

“Comedian Zach Anner takes readers on his wild wheelchair ride through 30 years of dealing with cerebral palsy―‘the sexiest of the palsies,’ as he likes to say. He rides a Mars Rover, wins an Oprah contest to create his own travel series and discovers he’s not only datable but desirable too. Hilarious and inspiring, Anner has made a life filled with fans, love, and Internet fame―reminding us that disability is no match for dreams.”―People (Book of the Week)

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Download Now The Total Package: A Novel from Stephanie Evanovich

The New York Times bestselling author of Big Girl Panties is back with a funny, sweet, and sizzling novel about love, redemption, and second chances.

Heartthrob star quarterback Tyson Palmer has it all: a million-dollar arm, a winning season and the promise of a Superbowl ring. But more importantly, football’s biggest star is the ultimate comeback kid. After an addiction to painkillers nearly derailed his career, Tyson got sober and went from zero to hero in the eyes of the public.

But one person remains unconvinced: Dani Carr, a sports commentator with high ratings and following of her own.

Dani can’t forgive Tyson’s transgressions or forget a single passionate night with him back in college. To make things worse, Tyson doesn’t realize that the bombshell with huge ratings is the cute co-ed whose heart he once broke.

But can a sports journalist trying to claw her way to the top and a quarterback who knows all about rock bottom make it to the Super Bowl without destroying each other? And what will happen when Tyson—riding high now that he’s revived his career—realizes he needs to make an even more important comeback with Dani? Can he use his million-dollar moves to get past her defenses—or will she sideline him for good?

Stephanie Evanovich is a full-fledged Jersey girl from Asbury Park and the New York Times bestselling author of Big Girl Panties and The Sweet Spot. Read Online Book The Total Package: A Novel from Stephanie Evanovich Full Free

About The Author :

Stephanie Evanovich began writing fiction while waiting for her cues during countless community theater projects. Now a full-time writer, she’s an avid sports fan who holds a black belt in tae kwon do.

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Free Reading Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman from Lindy West

Shrill is an uproarious memoir, a feminist rallying cry in a world that thinks gender politics are tedious and that women, especially feminists, can't be funny.
Coming of age in a culture that demands women be as small, quiet, and compliant as possible--like a porcelain dove that will also have sex with you--writer and humorist Lindy West quickly discovered that she was anything but. 

From a painfully shy childhood in which she tried, unsuccessfully, to hide her big body and even bigger opinions; to her public war with stand-up comedians over rape jokes; to her struggle to convince herself, and then the world, that fat people have value; to her accidental activism and never-ending battle royale with Internet trolls, Lindy narrates her life with a blend of humor and pathos that manages to make a trip to the abortion clinic funny and wring tears out of a story about diarrhea.

With inimitable good humor, vulnerability, and boundless charm, Lindy boldly shares how to survive in a world where not all stories are created equal and not all bodies are treated with equal respect, and how to weather hatred, loneliness, harassment, and loss, and walk away laughing. Shrill provocatively dissects what it means to become self-aware the hard way, to go from wanting to be silent and invisible to earning a living defending the silenced in all caps. Read Online Book Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman from Lindy West Full Free

Review :

"It made me hurt, both from laughing and crying. Required reading if you are a feminist. Recommended reading if you aren't."―Jenny Lawson, #1 bestselling author of Let's Pretend This Never Happened and Furiously Happy

"Lindy West is an essential (and hilarious) voice for women. Her talent and bravery have made the Internet a place I actually want to be. Thank you, Lindy."―Lena Dunham, #1 bestselling author of Not That Kind of Girl

"Hey reader! I thought I'd read enough in this lifetime about people's childhoods and feelings and such and I'd never want to do it again. But Lindy West is such a totally entertaining and original writer she kind of blew that thought out of my head halfway into the first chapter. I dare you to feel differently."―Ira Glass, This American Life 

"It's literally the new Bible."―Caitlin Moran, bestselling author of How to Be a Woman

"There's a reason Lindy West is such a beloved writer: she gets to the heart of impossible issues with humor and grace. West will have you cringing, laughing and crying, all within one page. Shrill is a must-read for all women."―Jessica Valenti, author of Why Have Kids and Full Frontal Feminism

"The surge of love and joy I felt while crylaughing through this book almost made my cold dead heart explode. Lindy is so smart and so funny that it almost hurts my little jealous-ass feelings. She is my most favorite writer ever."―Samantha Irby, author of Meaty

"Ask West one question, and the feminist writer and film critic's answer feels like wandering into an extraordinarily engaging women's studies class taught by your favorite comedian. West pings back and forth between astute commentary about the role of women in society to clever asides on the idiocy of trolls to riotous observations about life on the Internet."―Cosmopolitan

"Lindy West has written a really funny, insightful book that you all should buy. I would recommend reading it, too."―Andy Richter


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Read Free Book: Hitman Anders and the Meaning of It All by Jonas Jonasson

From the author of the international bestseller The 100-Year-Old-Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared, a brilliant satirical novel set in modern Sweden—a story of idealism and fanaticism, gangsters and entrepreneurs, sensationalism and spirituality, that explores the values that matter in contemporary life.

In a former brothel turned low-rent hotel, the lives of three unusual strangers—a former female priest, recently fired from her church; the ruined grandson of an ex-millionaire working as a receptionist; and Killer-Anders, a murderer newly released from prison—accidently collide with darkly hilarious results.

Seeing a lucrative opportunity in Killer-Anders, the unlikely trio form an unusual new business. The Priest and The Receptionist will handle strategy and public relations, and coordinate Killer-Anders’ “missions.” Using the media’s obsessive need for sensational, headline-making stories to advertise their talent’s superb “skill,” they quickly build a clientele of rich Swedish gangsters. Suddenly, they’re making an altogether different kind of killing of their own.

But when Killer-Anders begins asking deeper questions about purpose and meaning, his curiosity leads him to an unexpected discovery: he finds Jesus. Desperate to save the money machine they’ve built, The Priest and The Receptionist devise an audacious plan utilizing Killer-Anders’ newfound and decidedly fervent faith.

Mischievous yet big-hearted, filled with Jonas Jonasson’s trenchant humor and delightful twists,Hitman Anders and the Meaning of It All is a delightful comic adventure that reminds us it’s never to late to start over—and to discover what truly matters. Read Online Book Hitman Anders and the Meaning of It All by Jonas Jonasson Full Free

About The Author :

Jonas Jonasson was a journalist for the Expressen newspaper for many years. He became a media consultant and later set up a company producing sports and events for Swedish television before selling it and moving abroad to work on his first novel. He is the author of the internationally bestselling novels The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared and The Girl Who Saved the King of Sweden. He lives on the Swedish island Gotland in the Baltic Sea.

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Download Ebook: Some Women by Emily Liebert

An engrossing novel that examines the intricacies of marriage, friendship, and the power of unexpected connections…

Annabel Ford has everything under control, devoting her time to her twin boys and keeping her household running smoothly. But when her husband of a decade announces that he’s leaving, she’s blind-sided. And suddenly her world begins to unravel.

Piper Whitley has always done her best to balance it all—raising her daughter Fern by herself while advancing her career as a crime reporter. Only now that she’s finally met the man of her dreams, Fern’s absentee father shows up, throwing everything into a tailspin.

Married to the heir of a thriving media conglomerate, Mackenzie Mead has many reasons to count her blessings. But with an imperious mother-in-law—who’s also her boss—and a husband with whom she can no longer seem to connect, something has to give.

On the surface, these three women may not have much in common, but just when they each need someone to lean on, their lives are thrust together, forming unlikely friendships that help each woman navigate her new reality. Read Online Book Some Women by Emily Liebert Full Free

Review :

Praise for Emily Liebert

“A fun, insightful read. Liebert is a welcome addition to the world of women’s fiction.”—New York Times bestselling author Jane Green

“Fans of Jane Green and Jennifer Weiner will appreciate the realistic concerns of Liebert’s heroines.”—Booklist

“Emily Liebert’s latest will keep you turning pages long past bedtime.”—New York Times bestselling author Beatriz Williams


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Read Free Book: The Matchmaker's Playbook (Wingmen Inc.) from Rachel Van Dyken

Wingman rule number one: don’t fall for a client.

After a career-ending accident, former NFL recruit Ian Hunter is back on campus—and he’s ready to get his new game on. As one of the masterminds behind Wingmen, Inc., a successful and secretive word-of-mouth dating service, he’s putting his extensive skills with women to work for the lovelorn. But when Blake Olson requests the services of Wingmen, Inc., Ian may have landed his most hopeless client yet.

From her frumpy athletic gear to her unfortunate choice of footwear, Blake is going to need a miracle if she wants to land her crush. At least with a professional matchmaker by her side she has a fighting chance. Ian knows that his advice and a makeover can turn Blake into another successful match. But as Blake begins the transformation from hot mess to smokin’ hot, Ian realizes he’s in danger of breaking his cardinal rule… Read Online Book The Matchmaker's Playbook (Wingmen Inc.) from Rachel Van Dyken Full Free

Review :

“Fans of Van Dyken will not be disappointed as her larger than life characters, outrageous dialogue, and tongue-biting humor are front and center in this romance that is reminiscent of George Shaw’s Pygmalion.” —RT Book Reviews

“Rachel Van Dyken’s signature wit is out in full force in The Matchmaker’s Playbook. Proof that love can be found anywhere, Ian and Blake are a match made in hilarious, heart-warming Heaven.” —Emma Hart, New York Times bestselling author

“The Matchmaker’s Playbook is a refreshingly witty, fun, and sexy read. A cocky playboy, a sassy heroine, and an electric chemistry that can’t be denied, this book is full of laughs, heat and heart!” —The Christian Grey Fan Page

“Oh my word, this book! I went in hoping to get some much-needed Rachel Van Dyken humor, and ended up with a six-star read! The Matchmaker’s Playbook has it all. When a book can make you feel like you’re falling in love right along with the characters, and when you can feel the chemistry that perfectly, you know it’s special!” —Molly McAdams, New York Times bestselling author

“The Matchmaker’s Playbook is Rachel Van Dyken at her finest...Heat, heart, and pure fun—readers are going to fall in love with this well written, addicting read. This is definitely a top favorite of 2016!” —Shh Mom’s Reading

“Funny, realistic, and entertaining to the very last page. Rachel Van Dyken puts an enchanting twist on a matchmaking player who ultimately learns the true meaning of a match made in heaven.” —Audrey Carlan, #1 New York Times bestselling author

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Download The Year We Turned Forty: A Novel from Liz Fenton

If you could repeat one year of your life, what would you do differently? This heartwarming and hilarious novel from the authors of The Status of All Things and Your Perfect Life features three best friends who get the chance to return to the year they turned forty—the year that altered all of their lives, in ways big and small—and also get the opportunity to change their future.

Jessie loves her son Lucas more than anything, but it tears her up inside that he was conceived in an affair that ended her marriage to a man she still loves, a man who just told her he's getting remarried. This time around, she’s determined to bury the secret of Lucas’ paternity, and to repair the fissures that sent her wandering the first time.

Gabriela regrets that she wasted her most fertile years in hot pursuit of a publishing career. Yes, she’s one of the biggest authors in the world, but maybe what she really wanted to create was a family. With a chance to do it again, she’s focused on convincing her husband, Colin, to give her the baby she desires.

Claire is the only one who has made peace with her past: her twenty-two year old daughter, Emily, is finally on track after the turmoil of adolescence, and she's recently gotten engaged, with the two carat diamond on her finger to prove it. But if she’s being honest, Claire still fantasizes about her own missed opportunities: a chance to bond with her mother before it was too late, and the possibility of preventing her daughter from years of anguish. Plus, there’s the man who got away—the man who may have been her one true love.

But it doesn’t take long for all three women to learn that re-living a life and making different decisions only leads to new problems and consequences—and that the mistakes they made may, in fact, have been the best choices of all… Read Online Book The Year We Turned Forty: A Novel from Liz Fenton Full Free

Review :

Praise for The Year We Turned Forty:

"At once poignant and light-hearted, The Year WeTurned Forty is a spot-on, delightful read for anyone who has ever wonderedabout the road not taken." (Allison Winn Scotch, New York Times bestselling author)

“Funny and poignant, The Year We Turned Forty is a great read for anyone who loves thinking about the road not taken - and the power of female friendship.” (Laura Dave, author of Eight Hundred Grapes)

“A quick, lively, and stimulating tale with highly likable main characters, this book addresses the what-if moments in life. An entertaining read for fans of Emily Giffin and Jennifer Weiner.” (Library Journal)

"The Year We Turned Forty manages to be both uniquely magical and deeply real. It is classic Liz and Lisa: charming, fun, thoughtful, and clever; an honest and heartfelt exploration of friendship, love, regret, and redemption." (Taylor Jenkins Reid, author of Maybe in Another Life)
“If life came with a do-over button, could you really change your fate? That’s the question three friends must grapple with when they’re given a chance to relive the last decade of their lives. Wildly entertaining and sparkling with wisdom and wit, The Year We Turned Forty is Liz and Lisa at their very best.” (Camille Pagan, bestselling author of Life and Other Near-Death Experiences)

"If you had the chance to do one year of your life over, would you take it? Steinke and Fenton have done it again—turned a what-if, magical premise, into a funny, touching exploration of the choices we make and the impact even the little things can have on our lives. A must-read." (Catherine McKenzie, bestselling author of Hidden and Smoke)

“Fenton and Steinke have written a story reminiscent of works by Liane Moriarty or Jen Lancaster. Readers will hope and yearn for the best, even when the characters are at their worst. A great read, this is perfect for book clubs and beaches.” (San Francisco Book Review)


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Read Online Book The Assistants by Camille Perri

The debut novel that J. Courtney Sullivan calls “addictive, hilarious, and smart. It’s "9 to 5 for the student loan generation” and Publishers Weekly describes as “if the characters from HBO’s Girls were capable of larceny and blackmail.”
 
Rule #1: All important men have assistants. Rule #2: Men rule the world. Still. Rule #3: There is enough money. There is so much money.

Tina Fontana is a thirty-year-old executive assistant to Robert Barlow, the CEO of Titan Corp., a multinational media conglomerate. She’s excellent at her job and beloved by her famous boss—but after six years of making reservations and pouring drinks from bottles that cost more than her rent, the glamour of working for a media company in New York has completely faded, but her student loan debt has not. 

When a technical error with Robert’s expense report presents Tina with the opportunity to pay off the entire balance of her loans with what would essentially be pocket change for her boss, she hesitates. She’s always played by the rules, but this would be a life-changer. As Tina begins to fall down the rabbit hole of her morally questionable plan, other assistants with crushing debt and fewer scruples approach her to say that they want in. Before she knows it, she’s at the forefront of a movement that has implications far beyond what anyone anticipated.

Featuring an eclectic clan of coconspirators, a love interest far too handsome to be trusted, and a razor-sharp voice full of wry humor, The Assistants is a rallying cry for the leagues of overeducated and underpaid women who are asking themselves, How is it that after all these years, we are still assistants? Read Online Book The Assistants by Camille Perri Full Free

Review :

“Perri’s debut is reminiscent of the golden era of early-aughts chick-lit…The characters’ millennial concerns—overwhelming student-loan debt, underemployment, loneliness in a world of hyperconnectivity—ring true, making this a winner for readers who long for the return of light, clever novels with young, professional women at their center.”
--Booklist, starred review
“Attention readers fed up with their jobs: call in sick tomorrow and dive into this[crackling] debut… Perri's writing is quippy and the pace breezy…enjoy the sweetness of plotting revenge over cocktails (expensed, of course). You'll feel better after reading, promise.”
--Kirkus Reviews

“If the characters of HBO’s Girls were capable of larceny and blackmail, they could be the main characters of Perri’s sharp first novel….Perri has a gift for the glib one-liner, and reserved Tina and glamorous Emily make for a great pairing, resulting in a smart and fresh novel.”
--Publishers Weekly

“Anyone who has ever been an assistant will appreciate Camille Perri’s funny, honest, 100% relatable (and did I say funny?) debut novel about a band of exploited, entry-level strivers who even the score with their billionaire boss in the most ingenious way. After a long day at work, this is the book you’ll want to pick up—and, after reading it, you’ll never look at an expense report (or your colleagues) in the same way again.”
--Elisabeth Egan, author of A Window Opens
 
“With an incredible sense of humor and an eye for detail, Perri perfectly captures what it's like to assist a high-powered boss. The Assistants is addictive, hilarious, and smart. It's 9 to 5 for the student loan generation.”
--J. Courtney Sullivan, New York Times bestselling author of The Engagements and Maine

"Camille Perri’s The Assistants is a hilarious romp through the world of corporate greed and the people who assist them. It’s also a great story of criminal redemption. It was a blast from start to finish.” 
—Lisa Lutz, author of How to Start a Fire and The Spellman Files. 
  
“The Assistants is wry, thoughtful, and funny as hell. I read through the night with a huge smile on my face as lovable Tina Fontana and her raucous band of disenfranchised assistants wreak some Robin Hood-style havoc on their corporate overlords. I had no idea income inequality and grand larceny could be this much fun! I'm so glad Camille Perri did.”
--Eliza Kennedy, author of I Take You


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Read Online Book Zero K by Don DeLillo

The wisest, richest, funniest, and most moving novel in years from Don DeLillo, one of the great American novelists of our time—an ode to language, at the heart of our humanity, a meditation on death, and an embrace of life.

Jeffrey Lockhart’s father, Ross, is a billionaire in his sixties, with a younger wife, Artis Martineau, whose health is failing. Ross is the primary investor in a remote and secret compound where death is exquisitely controlled and bodies are preserved until a future time when biomedical advances and new technologies can return them to a life of transcendent promise. Jeff joins Ross and Artis at the compound to say “an uncertain farewell” to her as she surrenders her body.
“We are born without choosing to be. Should we have to die in the same manner? Isn’t it a human glory to refuse to accept a certain fate?”

These are the questions that haunt the novel and its memorable characters, and it is Ross Lockhart, most particularly, who feels a deep need to enter another dimension and awake to a new world. For his son, this is indefensible. Jeff, the book’s narrator, is committed to living, to experiencing “the mingled astonishments of our time, here, on earth.”

Don DeLillo’s seductive, spectacularly observed and brilliant new novel weighs the darkness of the world—terrorism, floods, fires, famine, plague—against the beauty and humanity of everyday life; love, awe, “the intimate touch of earth and sun.”

Zero K is glorious. Read Online Book Zero K by Don DeLillo Full Free

Review :

“Mr. DeLillo’s haunting new novel, Zero K — his most persuasive since his astonishing 1997 masterpiece, Underworld — is a kind of bookend to White Noise: somber and coolly futuristic, where that earlier book was satirical and darkly comic. . . . . All the themes that have animated Mr. DeLillo’s novels over the years are threaded through Zero K — from the seduction of technology and mass media to the power of money and the fear of chaos. . . . like a chamber music piece. . . . reminds us of his almost Day-Glo powers as a writer and his understanding of the strange, contorted shapes that eternal human concerns (with mortality and time) can take in the new millennium.” (Michiko Kakutani, New York Times)

"One of the most mysterious, emotionally moving and formally rewarding books of DeLillo's long carer... Unexpectedly touching... [DeLillo offers] consolation simply by enacting so well the mystery and awe of the real world... I finished it stunned and grateful." (Joshua Ferris, The New York Times Book Review)
“Brilliant and astonishing… a masterpiece… full of DeLillo's amazing inimitable scalpel perceptions, fluent in the ideas we'll be talking about 20 years from now… ZERO K somehow manages to renew DeLillo's longstanding obsessions while also striking deeply and swiftly at the reader's emotions….The effect is transcendent.” (Charles Finch, Chicago Tribune)

“Daring... provocative... exquisite... captures the swelling fears of our age.” (Ron Charles, Washington Post)
“Among many delights, Don DeLillo’s extraordinary new novel offers a bracing revision of our certitude about death and taxes. . . . DeLillo has created a mysterious, funny, and profound book out of a cultural gag usually reliant on metal cylinders and dry ice. . . . ZERO K deserves to win old and new readers alike. It’s a marvelous blend of DeLillo’s enormous gifts. His bleak humor and edged insight, the alertness and vitality of his prose, the vast, poetic extrapolations are all evident. So is the visceral quickness and wit in the sentences. . . . This is one of the constant pleasures of a DeLillo novel, the talk, the shop talk, the comic talk, the cosmic talk, the way the characters feel language, its sonics, the moral and emotional pressures.” (Sam Lipsyte, BookForum)

“In this intriguing novel, Don DeLillo trains his intense and singular vision on a future where people with the imagination and resources to achieve it may succeed in rewriting [the necessity of death].” (Shelf Awareness)
"Among DeLillo's finest work... DeLillo sneaks a heartbreaking story of a son attempting to reconnect with his father into his thought-provoking novel." (Publishers Weekly, starred review)


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Read Online Book American Housewife: Stories by Helen Ellis

A sharp, funny, delightfully unhinged collection of stories set in the dark world of domesticity,American Housewife features murderous ladies who lunch, celebrity treasure hunters, and the best bra fitter south of the Mason Dixon line.

Meet the women of American Housewife: they wear lipstick, pearls, and sunscreen, even when it's cloudy. They casserole. They pinwheel. They pump the salad spinner like it's a CPR dummy. And then they kill a party crasher, carefully stepping around the body to pull cookies out of the oven. These twelve irresistible stories take us from a haunted prewar Manhattan apartment building to the set of a rigged reality television show, from the unique initiation ritual of a book club to the getaway car of a pageant princess on the lam, from the gallery opening of a tinfoil artist to the fitting room of a legendary lingerie shop. Vicious, fresh, and nutty as a poisoned Goo Goo Cluster, American Housewifeis an uproarious, pointed commentary on womanhood. Read Online Book American Housewife: Stories by Helen Ellis Full Free

Review :

"Macabre does not even begin to describe this collection steeped in the Southern Gothic tradition. Flannery O'Connor would turn green with equal parts sick and envy.... [T]his dark, deadpan and truly inventive collection is one you'll wish to relish long after its sell-by date."
—Patricia Park, The New York Times Book Review 

“Satirical humor as twisted as screw-top bottles — and more effervescent than the stuff that pours out of them… American Housewife is a better cure for winter blahs than hot chocolate… The opening story captures her frisky, subversive take on domesticity…  Ellis's [one-liners] are outrageously good… ‘What I Do All Day’ is a three-page tour-de-force, boasting as many dazzlers as a wealthy Upper East Side matron's jewelry box… Amid the furious activity, Ellis works her story to a touching punchline you never saw coming. This is shock and awww writing… Ellis is a master of the unhinged monologue, delivered by narrators whose conventional, seemingly benign, honeyed patter gradually reveals the disturbing demon within.”
—Heller McAlpin, NPR 

“The 12 compact tales are delightfully dark and leave readers always rooting for the housewife, no matter how twisted her plots…. With punchy writing and unique conundrums, American Housewife can be devoured in a sitting. Resist. The tales are best consumed like the pinot grigio some of these housewives enjoy — daily.”
—Christina Ledbetter, The Washington Post 

“Ms. Ellis, 45, calls herself a housewife. But that only begins to describe her. She is also a shrewd poker player who regularly competes in high-stakes tournaments, and the author of a forthcoming story collection, American Housewife, that focuses a dark and humorous lens on the domestic… The stories are addictive and full of pitch-perfect observations like, ‘the only thing with less character than Chardonnay is wainscoting’ and ‘Delores was as fertile as a Duggar.’ They are populated by, among others, neighbors in a co-op whose fight over decorating turns deadly; women in a book club trying to seduce a new member into carrying their babies; and a chilling series of dead doormen.” 
—J. Courtney Sullivan, The New York Times
“Darkly comic stories about, and for, ‘grown-ass’ ladies, featuring scary book clubs, life-changing bra fittings and instructions on matrimony, like ‘Forget thongs.’ LMAO.”
—People 
“Written in short and even shorter stories, Ellis structures her chapters as how-tos, lists, emails and some straight narrative. The book captures — and warmly lampoons — the scattered nature of modern life. The tales are also catchy, smart and very, very funny….The housewives in her collection share Ellis’s wry sensibility. But as comical as they are — and they are very — these women also have a sly depth. What Ellis has done with her smart satire is very difficult: She’s poking fun but not making fun of her characters. In fact, they are very likable.”
—Julie Klam, The Washington Post 
"The funniest short story collection of 2016… Ellis writes like she talks, and the results are as effervescent and intoxicating as champagne punch.”
—Megan Labrise, Kirkus 

“Delightful in its originality and eerie, almost demented, humor… Ellis’s stories start in a place that’s quite familiar—the domestic sphere of New York City’s ritzy Upper East Side, where the author also resides—and end in a place that’s decidedly not. Her characters are stealthily complex, their perfectly composed, well-maintained exteriors the ideal cover for inner lives that seethe with pathos and ambition.”
—Julia Felsenthal, Vogue.com

“The perfect cocktail of Amy Sedaris's wacky wit and Margaret Atwood's insight, Ellis's prose is both searingly funny and emotionally sound… Pithy, witty, and biting, a combination that makes Ellis's writing delicious… The women in these stories are alone in their homes all day, and in that they possess a unique power, command over a confined kingdom.”
—Claire Luchette, Elle.com
 
“The first line of Helen Ellis' book of short stories is a kind of call to arms for the American housewife. Quote, ‘inspired by Beyonce, I stallion walk to the toaster.’ Ellis is a self-described housewife. She's the kind of Southern lady that deals a mean hand of cards and once played at the World Series of Poker.”
— Rachel Martin, NPR “Morning Edition” 

“Crackle[s] with domestically ambivalent characters: the modern day Betty Drapers in Helen Ellis’s short story collection, American Housewife, whose tensions over wainscoting and book clubs escalate into near-farce.” 
–Vogue 

“Ellis’s 12 short stories about women under pressure are archly, acerbically, even surreally hilarious. By extracting elements from the southern gothic tradition, Shirley Jackson, and Margaret Atwood, Ellis has forged her own molten, mind-twisting storytelling mode. Her pacing is swift and eviscerating, and her characters’ rage and hunger for revenge are off the charts… Perfectly crafted… A breath-halting balance of slashing absurdist humor and rich and authentic emotional sensitivity… With monstrous children and cats, hopeless husbands, and covertly dangerous women, Ellis takes down the entire housewife concept with a sniper’s precision. These are delectably revved up, marauding, sometimes macabre tales of ruined marriages, illness, infertility, crass commercialism (literary product placement), desperation, ghosts, even murder, featuring women of shrewd calculation, secret sorrows, and deep sympathy."
— Donna Seaman, Booklist (starred review)


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Read Online Book Be Frank With Me: A Novel by Julia Claiborne Johnson

A sparkling talent makes her fiction debut with this infectious novel that combines the charming pluck of Eloise, the poignant psychological quirks of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and the page-turning spirit of Where’d You Go, Bernadette.

Reclusive literary legend M. M. “Mimi” Banning has been holed up in her Bel Air mansion for years. But after falling prey to a Bernie Madoff-style ponzi scheme, she’s flat broke. Now Mimi must write a new book for the first time in decades, and to ensure the timely delivery of her manuscript, her New York publisher sends an assistant to monitor her progress. The prickly Mimi reluctantly complies—with a few stipulations: No Ivy-Leaguers or English majors. Must drive, cook, tidy. Computer whiz. Good with kids. Quiet, discreet, sane.

When Alice Whitley arrives at the Banning mansion, she’s put to work right away—as a full-time companion to Frank, the writer’s eccentric nine-year-old, a boy with the wit of Noel Coward, the wardrobe of a 1930s movie star, and very little in common with his fellow fourth-graders.

As she slowly gets to know Frank, Alice becomes consumed with finding out who Frank’s father is, how his gorgeous “piano teacher and itinerant male role model” Xander fits into the Banning family equation—and whether Mimi will ever finish that book.

Full of heart and countless “only-in-Hollywood” moments, Be Frank with Me is a captivating and unconventional story of an unusual mother and son, and the intrepid young woman who finds herself irresistibly pulled into their unforgettable world. Read Online Book Be Frank With Me: A Novel by Julia Claiborne Johnson Full Free

From the Back Cover :

A sparkling talent makes her fiction debut with this infectious novel that combines the charming pluck of Eloise, the poignant psychological quirks of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time and the page-turning spirit of Where’d You Go, Bernadette.

Reclusive literary legend M. M. “Mimi” Banning has been holed up in her Bel Air mansion for years. But after falling prey to a Bernie Madoff-style ponzi scheme, she’s flat broke. Now Mimi must write a new book for the first time in decades, and to ensure the timely delivery of her manuscript, her New York publisher sends an assistant to monitor her progress. The prickly Mimi reluctantly complies—with a few stipulations: No Ivy-Leaguers or English majors. Must drive, cook, tidy. Computer whiz. Good with kids. Quiet, discreet, sane.

When Alice Whitley arrives at the Banning mansion, she’s put to work right away—as a full-time companion to Frank, the writer’s eccentric nine-year-old, a boy with the wit of Noel Coward, the wardrobe of a 1930s movie star, and very little in common with his fellow fourth-graders.

As she slowly gets to know Frank, Alice becomes consumed with finding out who Frank’s father is, how his gorgeous “piano teacher and itinerant male role model” Xander fits into the Banning family equation—and whether Mimi will ever finish that book.

Full of heart and countless “only-in-Hollywood” moments, Be Frank with Me is a captivating and unconventional story of an unusual mother and son, and the intrepid young woman who finds herself irresistibly pulled into their unforgettable world.

Review :

“Julia Claiborne Johnson has struck gold in creating Frank Banning -- a one-of-a-kind exasperating, witty and endearing nine-year-old genius who functions as the beating heart of this marvelous book.” (Julie Schumacher, author of Dear Committee Members)

“Witty, but never cutesy. Deeply felt, but never sentimental. Peopled with deeply flawed, fully realized characters I cared about... I loved every minute I spent in Julia Claiborne Johnson’s glass house with her cast of dedicated stone-throwers. This one is special---don’t miss it.” (Joshilyn Jackson, New York Times-bestselling author of The Opposite of Everyone)

“There’s so much to love about this novel: the hilarious one-liners, the unforgettable characters, the unexpected moments of tenderness and all the funny, sad, poignant twists and turns this story takes. I lost myself in these pages and you will too.” (John Searles, nationally-bestselling author of Help for the Haunted)
“Julia Claiborne Johnson has written an effervescent gem of a novel, expertly balancing on a literary tightrope between lighthearted and heartbreaking. BE FRANK WITH ME is peopled by characters at once utterly unique, and entirely authentic. I may re-read this book just to spend more time with Frank.” (Laura Nicole Diamond, author of Shelter Us: a novel)

Beautifully written, brimming with insight, mystery, and benevolent wit, Julia Johnson had me gripped from the first chapter to the final page of BE FRANK WITH ME.” (Julia Sweeney, author, actress, comedienne)
“BE FRANK WITH ME is complex, nuanced, detailed and profound. In other words, funny, in the best, most resonant way. Read it with both eyes because it will delight both the thinky and the feely parts of your brain.” (Dave Foley, comedian and technically, an actor)

“What a charmer this book is! From the very first page, I fell hard for Frank, an adorable oddball with an amazing brain, a wardrobe to die for, and a lonely fragility that pierced my heart again and again.” (Marisa de los Santos, New York Times-bestselling author of Love Walked In and The Precious One)

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